Test of Character 3

The final two character descriptions in this short series:

I think of Cordelia examining the growing pouches under her eyes, the skin, up close, loosened and crinkled like elbows. She sighs, pats in cream, which is the right kind. Cordelia would know the right kind. She takes stock of her hands, which are shrinking a little, warping a little, as mine are. Gnarling has set in, the withering of the mouth; the outlines of dewlaps are beginning to be visible, down towards the chin, in the dark glass of subway windows.
Cat's Eye: Margaret Atwood

Arthur followed him in nervously and was astonished to see a man lolling back in a chair with his feet on a control console picking the teeth in his right-hand head with his left hand. The right-hand head seemed to be thoroughly preoccupied with this task, but the left-hand one was grinning a broad, relaxed, nonchalant grin.
The Hitch-Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Douglas Adams

Now you've seen some inspirational examples, have a go at describing your own character. A cyber-round of applause for anyone who is brave enough to share them with Writers' Blog!

Test of Character 2

Here are two more, very different, characters, described in very different ways. But can't you just see them both standing in front of you?

Arthur Davis in the staid office was conspicuous by his eccentricities. He could be seen now, approaching from the other end of the long white corridor, dressed as if he had just come from a rather horsy country week-end, or perhaps from the public enclosure of a racecourse. He wore a tweed sports jacket of a greenish over-all colour, and he displayed a scarlet spotted handkerchief in the breast pocket: he might have been attached in some way to a tote. But he was like an actor who has been miscast: when he tried to live up to the costume, he usually fumbled the part. If he looked in London as though he had arrived from the country, in the country when he visited Castle he was unmistakably a tourist from the city.
The Human Factor. Graham Greene

'Now, what I want is, Facts... Stick to facts, sir!'
The scene was a plain, bare, monotonous vault of a schoolroom, and the speaker's square forefinger emphasised his observations by underscoring every sentence with a line on the schoolmaster's sleeve. The emphasis was helped by the speaker’s square wall of a forehead, which had his eyebrows for its base, while his eyes found commodious cellarage in two dark caves,overshadowed by the wall. The emphasis was helped by the speaker's mouth, which was wide, thin and hard set. The emphasis was helped by the speaker's voice, which was inflexible, dry and dictatorial. The emphasis was helped by the speaker's hair, which bristled on the skirts of his bald head, a plantation of firs to keep the wind from its shining surface, all covered with knobs, like the crust of a plum pie, as if the head had scarcely warehouse-room for the hard facts stored inside. The speaker's obstinate carriage, square coat, square legs, square shoulders, - nay, his very neckcloth, trained to take him by the throat with an unaccommodating grasp, like a stubborn fact, as it was, - all helped the emphasis.
Hard Times. Charles Dickens

More tomorrow...

Test of Character 1

Here are some masterly descriptions of characters - so detailed, so vivid, that we can picture them as though in a photograph.


.... what is a hobbit?... They are (or were) a little people, about half our height, and smaller than the bearded dwarves. Hobbits have no beards. There is little or no magic about them, except the ordinary everyday sort which helps them to disappear quietly and quickly when large stupid folk like you and me come blundering along, making a noise like elephants which they can hear a mile off. They are inclined to be fat in the stomach; they dress in bright colours (chiefly green and yellow); wear no shoes, because their feet grow natural leathery soles and thick warm brown hair like the stuff on their heads (which is curly); have long clever brown fingers, good-natured faces, and laugh deep fruity laughs (especially after dinner, which they have twice a day when they can get it).
The Hobbit.. J.R..R. Tolkien

Stooping over a pile of old hay in the shadow was a man in what I suppose was an old Army greatcoat, though it appeared to have been dyed a kind of mottled navy blue. He was extremely swarthy, suggesting almost a lick of the tarbrush, and had damp, greasy-looking, curly black hair. His face was bony and somehow asymmetrical, and several front teeth were missing. As he heard my gasp of fright he swung round with a sharp, furtive look, as if caught in some dubious act, but quickly relaxed, straightened up, and stood regarding me with his arms folded. He grinned, but I have never seen a smile less reassuring. There was a slight cast in one of his eyes. I backed away from him a few paces, but found myself unable to turn and flee: I stood as if hypnotised by a viper. Neither of us spoke. After some time had passed I became quite conscious that the man was wilfully torturing me. Then quite suddenly he unfolded his arms, and thrust within a few inches of my face the black stump of an arm cut off above the wrist! Even in that dim half light I was preternaturally aware of an odd wrinkle, or pucker, on the very tip of its obscene roundness.
Imelda: John Herdman

More to follow...

You pays your money, and you makes your choice!

"No man but a blockhead ever wrote except for money."
SAMUEL JOHNSON (Boswell, Life, 1776)

"As soon as any art is pursued with a view to money, then farewell, in ninety-nine case out of a hundred, all hope of genuine good work."
SAMUEL BUTLER THE YOUNGER, Note-Books, p, 171

Well, well, well... which adage to follow?

If you have a skeleton in your closet, take it out and dance with it.

One of the hardest things for a writer to do is to write about those subjects which really cause him or her pain. We all have taboos – they may be the ‘standard’ forbidden subjects: sex, death, terminal illness, explicit violence, certain bodily functions – or they may be our own personal repressions, often related to specific embarrassing, horrifying or untellable incidents in our own lives.

It is a useful and instructive exercise to try to overcome these constraints we put on our own writing. Have a go at writing about something which you really really feel you shouldn’t put down on paper, something which makes you cringe or recoil as you write it.

Make a list of your own personal taboos and put them in order of unspeakability – or, in this case, unwriteability. Then consider these questions: Why is it I don’t want to write about these things? Because it would hurt my nearest and nearest? Because it would hurt me?

And then write about the mildest taboo on the list. Give yourself ten minutes only to write about it. Write quickly and unselfconsciously. It doesn’t matter about the quality of what you produce – nobody will see it. Don’t read what you’ve just written - put it away for a week or two before you read it over. This will give you the necessary distance from it to read it with a certain detachment and objectivity - try to imagine, even, if it is still painful to read, that this was written by somebody else.

You will know you've finally laid that particular demon to rest when you can turn it into a piece of fiction or non-fiction - maybe disguised, maybe not - that you are prepared to let other people read.

Over the weeks, do similar timed writing sessions with all the taboos on your list, working up to the Biggy. That thing that you thought you never would or could ever write about.

It should get easier with practise – and in the process should make you a more honest, a braver, and a better, writer. Because you’ll never write anything that will really move your readers if you can’t write about things which really move you.

New Blogs

If you want to develop your skills in writing pithy little funnies, have a look at these blogs. Try your hand! See if we will publish them!

http://1001blogtopics.blogspot.com/
http://dreamblog101.blogspot.com/
http://1001reasonswhy.blogspot.com/
http://1001telllies.blogspot.com/

Charlie

Give Us A Reference!

It’s surprising how many aspiring writers don’t read. As one who reads voraciously myself, I can’t understand why it is that they want to write, nor how they can learn to write well, when that is the case.

Good writers are surrounded by books. It goes without saying, the books of those writers they admire, are inspired and maybe influenced by, but just as important are the reference books. Just as any tradesman has his or her specialised tools without which they cannot manage, a writer too needs essential tools. As much as pen and paper – or keyboard and computer – you need a basic library of reference books.

These are my recommendations:

1. A good dictionary. Chambers is my preference, but others swear by the Concise Oxford English Dictionary. If you really get hooked on words, the so-called ‘Shorter’ Oxford English dictionary isn’t so short at all – it contains derivations for 163,000 words. Mind you, the full length one is 20 volumes long and contains over half a million words! Also now available online – far cheaper but far less enjoyable than having the actual volumes on the shelf, in my opinion.

2. Roget’s (or another) Thesaurus.

3. A book of quotations. Great for giving inspiration for titles, livening up your prose or giving ideas for your writing. I found a huge tome ‘Stevenson’s Book of Quotations’ in a secondhand bookshop many years ago. A tremendous book, but probably not in print now. The Oxford Dictionary of Quotations is pretty good – in fact, Oxford University press is a good place to start looking for reference books of all sorts. A more historical
work (you won’t find contemporary stuff here) is Bartlett’s Familiar Quotations.

4. Brewer’s Dictionary of Phrase and Fable is another one worth tracking down, with explanations of many phrase and allusions, myth and legend, all that stuff.

5. The Oxford Companion to English Literature is one I constantly refer to, as are their Companions to American Literature and Children’s Literature.

6. An edition of the Complete Works of Shakespeare. Expensive and beautiful; or cheap and cheerful – whichever suits you best.

7. A good anthology of poetry, which contains all the ‘standards’.

8. A Bible – Old and New Testaments.

9. And, unless you’re very well versed in your scripture, a dictionary of the bible – such as, you’ve guessed it, The Oxford Companion to the Bible.

10. Once I would have said a good encyclopedia – but I really think that is a type of book which has had its day and has really been completely replaced by the internet. Google or your favorite search engine should find you more at the click of a mouse than an encyclopedia ever could. But if you’re a traditionalist, Encyclopedia Brittanica is available online.

11. The Writers’ & Artists’ Yearbook and/or The Writer’s Handbook for useful articles about getting your work published and even more useful lists of UK, Commonwealth and other English-language publications and publishers with their requirements.

12. Writer’s Market ditto for US markets.

13. The Directory of Publishing in Scotland.

Unlucky for some, those have to be the top ones on my list. I’m sure I will have left some off – but I’m away from home at present, and missing my reference library to refer to!

Most of these can be tracked down via Amazon or your local bookshop, but I list some which are now out of print, for which you’ll need to search in secondhand bookshops or on www.abebooks.co.uk or com.

In addition, you will have your own favorites, especially those related to your own particular specialisms in writing.

My list is, of course, UK-centric. Please do give your American, Australian and other suggestions for posting on the site.

Waiting For Bloggo

For those of you who might be interested in seeing how a blog can be used for innovative, experimental, creative writing, you might like to look at the recently-completed Waiting for Bloggo at http://waitingforbloggo.blogspot.com

Charlie & Amy

Everybody's a Critic

And it's true: everybody's a critic of everybody else's writing. Everybody knows how things should have been done. Everybody passes on a nasty case of the 'shudders': you shudder done this, you shudder done that... and so on. What would a writer do without all this constructive (sic) criticism? He would fail, that's for sure. What would the critic do unless he spent much time criticizing? Write himself? Heavens!

"There are two things which I am confident I can do very well: one is an introduction to any literary work, stating what it is to contain, and how it should be executed in the most perfect manner."
SAMUEL JOHNSON (BOSWELL, Life, 1775)

Aim for a 1 or a 3

This is Fay Weldon again - succinct and to the point, and probably all we need to know about the publishing process:

'Publishers grade books into what they judge to be 1. good/good books; 2. bad/good books; 3. good/bad books; 4. bad/bad books. Categories 2 and 4 they reject; 2 with many apologies and explanations, 4 with mere rejection slips. Their judgement, of course, may be wrong... 3 [is] where most of the bestsellers dwell.'

Punchlines

Kurt Vonnegut likes a punchline. His favoured technique is to deliver a paragraph or two, then tack on a punchline. It's standard stand-up comedy, of course.

"I do not think my father was entirely ungifted as an artist. Like his friend Hitler, he had a flair for romantic architecture. And he set about transforming the carriage house into a painter's studio fit for the reincarnated Leonardo da Vinci his doting mother still believed him to be.

Father's mother was as crazy as a bedbug, my own mother said."

(Deadeye Dick)

With remarkable economy of effort (or so it seems), KV sets up this image of his father, deadpan, slaps us slightly to keep our attention by dropping in the names of Hitler and Leonardo, then brings the whole thing crashing down by lampooning his father through his mother's droll observation.

Comic genius!

Now, if you'll take my advice...

This post may be at a little bit of a tangent to Edy's question, but I think it's part of the answer: the advice that one should take notice of - in relation to our writing as in any other area of life - is informed advice. And our own understanding of what makes a good and bad piece of writing needs to be informed too, so we can read our work with a critical eye.

So here are some thoughts on how to give and take criticism of a piece of writing. They are particularly aimed at group situations such as a writers' circle. One needs, of course, to be particularly sensitive here, as any criticism of one person's writing is made publicly and in the presence of others. But the principles I discuss here hold good whether the criticism is written, spoken, on a one to one basis, or even just between you and your internal editor.

CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM

For criticism of a piece of writing to be helpful to the writer, the emphasis should be on the word 'constructive'.

Basic guidelines:
Criticise the piece of work, not the author. Be impersonal and objective and always justify your statements.

Be honest but kind.

Don’t make empty statements that you can't justify or back up with evidence. Say when you think there are weaknesses or faults but always give reasons why you think this.

Give suggestions for how you think work could be improved when pointing out weaknesses.

If there are particularly good things in the work, say so. Praise is as important as criticism.

No one person's opinion is more valid than another's. Don't battle to impose your view on the rest of the group.

Centring discussion around the basic components of the piece encourages objectivity.

Questions to ask about fiction or drama:

PLOT - Is it logical, consistent and free from unnecessary diversions? Does it have a strong opening, a good middle and a satisfying conclusion? If flashbacks are used, are they necessary and/or handled effectively?

CHARACTERS - Are there too many? Are they well-rounded, believable and individualistic? Are they consistent, or if they act 'out of character' is there a reason for it and is this justified?

DIALOGUE - Is there too much or too little? Does it suit the characters? Is it natural? Is it used effectively and appropriately?

STRUCTURE - Does it move forward in a logical and progressive way? Is there a variety of tone - i.e. are there high and low points and are these effective?

VIEWPOINT - Has the story been told from the right (or the best) viewpoint?

TONE - Is the tone right for the piece?

Articles or non-fiction:

SUBJECT MATTER - Is the information clearly conveyed? Is it too long-winded, or underwritten?

RESEARCH - Is it accurate and up-to-date? Would further research or information improve it?

STRUCTURE - Does it proceed in a logical and progressive way and does it achieve what it sets out to achieve?

Poetry:

RHYTHM & RHYME - If it's written to a set verse form, are the rhythm and rhyme correct for the form? If not, are the rhythm and rhyme internally consistent? If they aren't, is it for a particular reason and does that work well or not?

WORDS - Are the imagery and use of words good, bad or indifferent? Why do you think this?

IDEAS - Are the ideas expressed a) valid and b) worth expressing?

TONE - Is it right for the sentiments expressed?

General:

Do you like or dislike the piece of work? Why?

Could it be improved? How?

What are the good and bad points of the piece? Justify your personal opinion.

If the piece has been written for a particular market, is it the right one? How should it be re-written to suit the market? Have you any other suggestions for markets?

How to accept criticism:
When it is your piece of work that is being criticised, listen to the comments with an open mind. Try not to take exception to what's being said - remember it is the piece of work, not yourself, that is being criticised. Make a note - mental or written - of all comments that are made. It is just as important to make note of positive comments as negative - if you do something well, you should try to repeat it in future work as well as avoiding things you have done badly. If there is a general consensus about certain points, think very seriously about making changes in that area. If one person has a different view from the rest, it can more safely be disregarded. Don't waste time arguing with those who make comments - they are entitled to give their opinion even if you don't agree with it. Listen carefully to opinions which oppose your own because you might need to strengthen your argument to forestall some likely counter-arguments which hadn't struck you before.

Later, re-read your piece in the light of the comments made. Decide which ones you agree with and which you don't. If you're not sure, try a re-write of the relevant section and compare it with the original version. Which do you prefer/ think works best? Do extra research if necessary and re-write your piece to include it. Where people have misunderstood what you are saying, don't immediately put it down to their stupidity - the chances are you haven't expressed/explained it clearly enough. Re-write to clarify your meaning. Strengthen your arguments where necessary to forestall possible counter-arguments. Just as important as making changes, is having the confidence, and belief in your own work, to decide not to make changes in certain places. In the end, it's your work and you are entitled to ignore any comments which you don't agree with. But remember, writing is communication and if you aren’t communicating with your readers in the way you had intended, you have failed.

Finally:

Learning to constructively criticise the work of others is an important step towards being able to criticise and edit your own work effectively. Get into the habit of practising on pieces you read in magazines, newspapers, books.

Edy's Question

Edy emailed in with this:-

"The other evening, my daughter had "American Idol" on the television. A slender man had just finished his vocal performance. Simon made the comment that if he was really serious about making it in the entertainment industry, he needed to become a female impersonator. The performer was stunned and devastated. Paula was calling Simon an ass. Randy called Simon a jerk....

As a writer, sometimes I have people in the field who read my work, and tell me I need to be more intellectual, more spiritual, more romantic, focus more on great, expansive, flowing, sentences...usually, matching whatever their particular writing style is. I feel a bit like the vocalist on American Idol...being told to be someone that I am not.

How about some advice on who to listen to? We have talked about when not to listen to yourself, i.e. when wearing the "self-doubt" hat. When do you listen to yourself, how do you sift through suggestions and comments from other writers, and how about the comments from publishers, whether through rejection, or the editing process?"

So, Edy, you are asking for advice about who to take advice from? I think I'll have to ask Nicki's advice about that. And Amy's.

One thing's certain though: don't ask my advice! What do I know about anything?

Cross Gender Writing

I'm reading a book at the moment by Nick Hornby, a male British writer. The main character is Katie Carr, a London doctor. A female London doctor. The whole story is seen through her eyes. We hear her thoughts.

Now, I have a slight problem with this. I can accept that a writer of either gender needs to have male and female characters and, consequently, needs to be able to flesh them out and write good dialogue for them.

But a full book, through the eyes of a woman, written by a man? Hmmmmmmm.

Any thoughts?

Why Be A Freelance Writer?

Here's a list, in no particular order, of the pros and cons of being a writer, whether you undertake it full-time or part-time, paid or unpaid, professional or amateur:

PROS:

You work for yourself: you are not beholden to anybody else – at least, until you sign a contract for a piece of work, of course.

You work in your own home, at hours to suit yourself, wearing whatever you like – or nothing at all, if that's what pleases you!

You get all the tax benefits of being self-employed – your stationery, computer, other equipment, research materials and trips, plus a percentage of your household expenses, (or all your office expenses if that is separate from your home) are tax deductible. (At least, that is the case in the UK.)

You can fit your work around your family and other commitments.

You can work as many or as few hours as you want to or need to.

You can combine it with a full or part-time job.

It's a cheap hobby – which can even pay for itself if you can get work published and paid for.

It's good mental therapy. Get all that angst and stuff out in the open!

It's creative. And entertaining. And fun. (And if it isn't, you shouldn't be doing it!)

Getting an acceptance amongst the inevitable welter of rejections is always a smiley event.

It's satisfying – whether you get to see your name in print in magazine, newspaper, in the bookshops, on website or blog; or you get to see the enjoyment – or even shock, if that's your aim! - on the faces of friends and family when they read your stuff.

It's not hard work. It might be a mental tussle sometimes, it might take hours to write just a few sentences, it might be frustrating when it doesn't go right – but it ain't like standing on your feet all day, or toting barges or lifting bales, or working with people you don't like (add your own work gripes here...)

If you're a natural writer, you're going to do it anyway. If you can get paid for at least some of it, that's an added bonus.


CONS:

It doesn't pay well – until you become a best-seller, and they are indeed rarer than hen's teeth. And all those 'overnight sensations' have almost invariably spent many years working for a pittance before they produced that novel or whatever which changed their fortunes.

Don't ever sit down and try to work out your hourly rate of pay. Anywhere near to minimum wage? You wish!

There's no such thing as 'up-front payment' for anything. So there will always be a time-lag between submission and payment. Articles and short stories are rarely paid for on acceptance – you may have to wait months or even years before it's published and you get paid.

A book will take up to a year of writing, and then allow another year for it to be published, and then another year before you receive your first royalty cheque. With no guarantee how big that's going to be.

What about advances? you say. What's one of those? I say.

If you are lucky enough to be offered an advance, don’t forget that it's purely an advance on the royalties they estimate you might receive. And sometimes those royalties might be a smaller percentage of the cover price than if an advance hadn't been agreed.

If you want to make it a full-time job, you will need to spend much time and energy marketing yourself and your work.

You will receive many rejections! You must learn not to take this personally or you're doomed to a life of misery.

Some publishers treat freelancers very badly – there are so many people desperate to send them work that they don't always act with common courtesy.


Sorry about the doom and gloom folks, but there it is. You have to work out whether the Pros outweigh the Cons. For my money, they do. But if I haven't put you off completely – and if I have, that’s probably a good thing: you just aren't cut out to be a freelancer - please don't give up the day job until you've hit the jackpot. Starving in a garret may be alright in fiction – but it's not a thing I'd advocate as a lifestyle choice!

We're all impressed by a title!

A book title is important. Look at all those books in your local bookshop, vying for your attention, for your eyes, for your money!

The HitchHiker's Guide To The Galaxy: A Trilogy in Four Parts by Douglas Adams. Wonderful book containing wonderful books! And with a title like that, how could it not be funny?

Bagumbo Snuffbox by Kurt Vonnegut. How could it not be intriguing?

Captain Corelli's Mandolin by Louis De Bernieres. Ditto.

Black Wind by Clive Cussler. For me, not quite the same attraction in spite of a garish cover on which the author is described as 'The Grandmaster of Adventure'. No thank you!

Charlie

The Postman Always Rings Twice

The daily visit of the postman (mailman) is always interesting, when you’re a freelance writer. That doesn’t mean, of course, that it’s always exciting. Sadly, rejections are part and parcel of a writer’s life. But when you do get an acceptance, that makes up for any number of publishers’ or editors’ slips saying ‘thanks, but no thanks.’ That first acceptance, that first piece of work in print does, of course, have a very special part in one’s writing career. But even after many years in the business, I still get great pleasure and satisfaction from a positive reply. And, especially if you spread your writing wings to cover a variety of different fields and genres – and a ‘real writer’ generally does: definition of a real writer? A person who will write anything for money. Or, as Samuel Johnson put it: ‘No man but a blockhead ever wrote except for money’ - there are plenty of ‘firsts’ to get excited about. Your first reader’s letter in print, your first article, your first short story, first book, first novel…

The post today was particularly full of interest, excitement and pleasure: there were the first proofs of the non-fiction book I’ve been writing for the past year (16,000 words shorter than my submitted ms, as regular readers of this blog will understand). Now that’s exciting and very satisfying. For the first time in the process it's starting to look like a real book. In a couple of months the postman will bring the first copies and I can hold my book in my hands – now that’s a time for feeling truly smug! Also in today’s post was a contract for my next non-fiction book which I’ve recently started. That’s due for completion by November, so I need to allocate my time to that. 100,000 words at 1000 words per day writing, plus research – it seems, early in January, that I'll have it done weeks early: but, of course, these things always take longer than you estimate. And finally, there was a bag of student’s scripts for marking – the day to day bread and butter stuff, essential because that’s the only regular income I can rely on from my writing.

And then of course there are emails. I never know what’s going to come out of the blue, as a result of my website. This happened a few months ago when I was emailed by a man who wanted me to review and correct the novel he’s in the process of writing. This relationship has now developed to the point where I am ghost-writing his book – an anti-war novel in which we follow the fortunes of two soldiers, great-grandfather and great-grandson, taking life-changing part in WWI and the current Iraqi conflict. A fascinating, well-plotted, well-researched story. My job is to breathe life into it. A potential bestseller and Hollywood blockbuster? Who knows, but challenging and great fun to work on and see what, together, we can make of it. I’ll shortly be starting the process of submission to editors and agents – a time one always has to expect to be soul-destroying, for there will be inevitable ‘no thank yous’ before we get the ‘yes please’ we’re hoping for. Fingers crossed.

I wonder what tomorrow’s post – or cyber post - will bring?

Constructive Dialogue

Punctuation of dialogue is an area many writers find difficult. Actually, it is very simple when you think about it logically, and accept that you should always write in complete sentences. This applies just as much to dialogue as to narrative.

Consider the following:
'I've come about the job.' Angela smiled nervously at the receptionist. (Correct)
Here you have two sentences, each one ending with a full stop. This is fine, each sentence can stand alone and make perfect sense.

Now consider:
'We're rushed off our feet today.' Said the receptionist. (Incorrect)
Although the dialogue (We're rushed off our feet today) is a complete sentence, the narrative is not. Said the receptionist cannot stand alone. It does not make sense without additional information. What is it that she said? We don’t know. To provide this information, in the same sentence, we turn the words spoken into a clause by ending it with a comma, and the entire (single) sentence is completely understandable:
'We're rushed off our feet today,' said the receptionist. (Correct)

Compare the following:
'Take a seat and someone will be with you shortly.' She said crossly. (Incorrect)
'Take a seat and someone will be with you shortly,' she said crossly. (Correct)
The first version is incorrect because She said crossly is not a complete sentence.

The same applies when the narrative comes first.
Angela said. 'I hope I'm not putting you out.' (Incorrect.)
Angela said, 'I hope I'm not putting you out. (Correct.)
‘To say’ is a transitive verb which has to take an object, so Angela said is not a complete sentence.

Note that if we turn the sentence around, the same pattern emerges:
'I hope I'm not putting you out,' Angela said. (Correct.)
'I hope I'm not putting you out.' Angela said. (Incorrect.)

Intransitive verbs are not followed by an object: ‘to speak’ is one.
‘I have come here today to tell you I am leaving.’ Mary spoke in a low voice, twisting her wedding ring nervously.
Here, you have two sentences which can stand alone, so the words spoken end in a full stop.

But if you use the verb 'to say' instead of 'to speak': ‘I have come here today to tell you I am leaving,’ Mary said in a low voice, twisting her wedding ring nervously.
Here you have one sentence with two main clauses.

Some writers are confused when it comes to the use of exclamation marks or question marks within dialogue.
'So, you haven’t met Mr Right yet then?' She said. (Incorrect.)
'So, you haven’t met Mr Right yet then?' she said. (Correct.)
'Go to your room!' He yelled. (Incorrect)
'Go to your room!' he yelled. (Correct)

Even where the dialogue ends in an exclamation mark or a question mark, the same rules apply as above. If we rewrite these sentences, however, we may need to start the narrative with a capital letter.
'So, you haven’t met Mr Right yet then?' She looked at Judith with a smirk on her face.
'Go to your room!' The boy ran out and slammed the door.

So the test is to ask yourself, is the narrative immediately before or after the spoken words a self-contained sentence? Then you can decide whether to use a full stop or a comma. If a comma is correct, the narrative section continues with a lower case letter, just as in a sentence which does not include speech. Where the speech demands a question mark or exclamation mark, but the sense means the narrative has to be part of the same sentence, then you also continue with a lower case letter.

Similar rules apply when narrative breaks up the dialogue:
'What I can't seem to grasp,' he said disconsolately, 'is what happens in the middle of a broken speech.'
The words spoken are one sentence, so the narrative which interrupts it is part of the same sentence. Note that you always use a punctuation mark at the end of the interrupting narrative, normally a comma or a full stop.

'I find it very confusing,' he said. 'The punctuation doesn't seem to follow any regular pattern.'
Here, the words spoken are two separate sentences, and he said ends the first sentence. So the words spoken after the interruption start with a capital letter because it's the start of a new sentence.

If the interrupting narrative is a sentence in its own right, then you have three sentences.
'What about this paragraph?' He pointed at the page. ' There doesn't seem any sense to it.'

Study published work closely and you will find this pattern is followed. To illustrate by picking dialogue at random from books I’ve plucked from my shelves:
'I didn’t know you were bringing anybody with you,' Pit commented, and I noticed his tongue sported a pointed silver post. 'What’s your name?'
‘Chuck.'
'He’s one of my assistants,' I explained. 'If you have a place to sit, he’ll wait.'
And:
'I stay away from red meat as much as possible.' Bray switched conversational lanes. 'But their fish is very good.'
And:
'Without encouragement,' said Montgomery Jones deliberately, 'many young artists go to the wall.'
And:
'Anyone hurt?'
A muffled voice replied, 'No.'
And:
The men came to fill their water bottles. 'Gives you a thirst, don't it!'

Why not end with a BANG?

One of my favorite short stories is a work by John Cheever called “The Country Husband.” You’ll certainly thank me for not rambling hours on end, as I most definitely could, on the merits of this story or all the reason I think it worth reading. I personally feel compelled to idolize a man who can begin a short story with a plane crash into a cornfield in which, “nothing happened.” This is just the first of many seemingly farcical parallels Cheever establishes in order to set in motion an undercurrent of meaning – an impending sense of the precarious balance at work in the life of suburbanite Francis Weed who finds himself in love with the 18 year old babysitter and at risk of driving himself quite mad while trying to tease apart meaning in his featureless, ordinary life.

The main reason I would like to point this story out, aside from the fact that I think it is brilliant, concerns the last few lines, the very end. Of course we would all agree that the beginning line of a story is very important, has the power to immediately draw in the reader, to raise expectations, to set tone, pace, etc. However, the last line of a story can be equally as powerful, in fact – if you’re quite brave – the last few lines can set a story spinning on its head and leave the reader clamoring for more, wondering at meaning, picking out significance and fixating on possible inferences. You have the power in the last few lines of a story to cast shadow or spread light.

Here is how John Cheever ended “The Country Husband” a story which, on the surface only, is about a man struggling to scratch out meaning in a bland life that seems to have taken on an existence quite by accident and without so much as an ounce of passion:

“Here, pussy, pussy, pussy!” Julia calls.
“Here, pussy, here, poor pussy!” But the cat gives her a skeptical look and stumbles away in its skirts. The last to come is Jupiter. He prances through the tomato vines, holding in his generous mouth the remains of an evening slipper. Then it is dark; it is a night where kings in golden suits ride elephants over the mountains.”


Ah, I’m in love with endings like that.
Amy

Glimmer Train

If you aren’t already familiar with Glimmer Train Press, Inc., do take a look at the following site:

http://www.glimmertrain.com/index.html

Based in Portland, Oregon, Glimmer Train is a quarterly publication the impetus for which began in 1990 when two sisters - both interested in changing the course of their lives, both passionate about reading good fiction – decided that what they really wanted to do was start a small press and publish fiction from both established writers, as well as previously unpublished writers.

Even if you don’t rush out and immediately subscribe to the publication itself, I highly recommend visiting the site and taking just a moment to create a log-in and a password. After doing so, you’ll receive automatic notification of special events, not to mention notice of deadlines for the many contests they sponsor throughout the year.

A particularly interesting function of the site is that Glimmer Train allows you to submit your work for both Standard Entry, as well as Contest Entry, online! The instructions are clearly detailed and once you submit your work you’ll be given a document ID# by which you can track the status of your submission.

Take a look and submit, submit, submit!

Amy

You've Gotta Laugh!

WRITING THE HUMOROUS PERSONAL EXPERIENCE ARTICLE

Working from the truism that you should write about what you know, personal experience is a rich source of material. Most magazines use personal experience pieces of one form or another, and many welcome humour. If you can combine the two there are plenty of openings to be found.

Approaches

1. The ‘slice of life’ article
Take a humorous look at an event with which the readers can identify. It is funnier to write about camping on a public campsite in the Lake District than a solo trek through the Arctic Circle.

Failure is funnier than success - there is more mileage in describing a family fishing trip if your husband didn’t catch anything than if he ended up with a bagful of prize salmon.

When looking for an ‘everyday’ experience, avoid the over-banal. Some things are so ordinary they just aren’t funny, like variations on ‘the day the car broke down’ – unless you’re a comic genius, the only comment this is likely to provoke from a reader is ‘so what?’

2. The ‘advice’ article
This should more correctly be called the ‘anti-advice’ article. The trick is to turn it on its head and ‘advise’ those things you should actually avoid. So, in a piece based on my experiences of flying to New Zealand with my children, I gave advice along the lines of:

You will be advised to check in two hours before your flight. Allow a cautionary couple of hours on top of that to ensure you have plenty of time for the children to get bored.

3. Tip sheets
A sub-category of the advice article, where the advice is given as numbered or bullet-marked points. ‘10 Handy Hints for Fuss-Free Flitting’ included such essential advice as:

‘The children’s toys and games should be packed while they are not around, sealed immediately and labelled Tea Towels, Soap & Shampoo.

4. The anecdote
Short anecdotes can be used as readers’ letters or fillers, or add a humorous element to a serious article. You could open a gardening article with one of your own disasters, followed up with good advice on how to avoid such problems.

Another approach is to link together several anecdotes on a theme into a full-length article. Holiday hiccups, gardening glitches, computer cock-ups – whatever your hobby, you will have tales of disaster to tell!

Useful Techniques

1. Names
Avoid getting bogged down with boring references to ‘my husband’ or any other friend or relative, by coining amusing ways of referring to them.

My children have gone through many transformations – in various articles, they have turned into Tigger and Christopher Robin; the Billy Goats Gruff and Thunderbird puppets.

2. Exaggeration
Never let over-reliance on the truth spoil a good story. Although there should be some truth in there, don’t be afraid to stretch it to its limits. If you get rained on when you’re camping, make it a biblical deluge; if your grandmother’s false teeth fell out once, turn it into a regular habit. As long as it’s funny, it’s forgivable.

3. Imagery
Have fun with metaphors and similes. Humour, more than any other genre, comes from the way you use language. Practice word and idea association. Learn to recognise clichés; whenever you find yourself using one, try to come up with a new phrase which expresses the same thing, or turn the cliché on its head, or develop it.
e.g as rare as a vitamin in a Pot Noodle
he took to it like a duck to orange sauce
hard on the heels of the patter of tiny feet came the tramp of an invasion force of germs on the march

4. Telescoping
Collapse together events which happened weeks or even years apart. The incident with the inedible cake may have occurred at Tigger’s third birthday party while the child who wouldn’t hand over the present was a guest at Christopher Robin’s fifth – combine them both in the one party, together with all the other party mishaps over the years, and you’ve got a full-length disaster epic!

5. Include a ‘learning point’
Even if your main aim is to make your readers laugh, many publications prefer it if it also teaches the reader something. A good way to do this is to accompany your laughter piece with a serious sidebar. So a piece for a supermarket magazine on a horrendous shopping experience with your toddler could be accompanied by a sidebar giving advice on how to keep the little darlings quiet – or at least smiling.

6. Titles
A humorous article needs a humorous title. Popular and literary allusions, upturned clichés and proverbs, and alliteration all work well.
e.g. It’s My Party and I’ll Cry If I Want To!
Silicon Chips Off The Old Block
Thunderbirds Are Wet!
The Daily Dash

Sonny's Blues

I'm reading Sonny's Blues by James Baldwin at the moment following recommendation from a fellow blogger as a 'must read'. I'm told it's staple fare in the USA.

Any comments about its merits or otherwise?

charlie

Dickens

I love Dickens' stuff. The archaic structure and style of his prose appeals to me, as do his stingingly accurate observations about mankind generally. He is a master at describing his characters without seeming to do so; without saying he or she was 'x' tall and had 'y' colouring and was wearing 'z'.

Here's a random passage from Bleak House:

"Nature forgot to shade him off, I think?" observed Mr Skimpole to Ada and me. "A little too boisterous - like the sea? A little too vehement - like a bull, who has made his mind up to consider every colour scarlet? But, I grant a sledge-hammering sort of merit in him!"

I can see Mr Boythorn very well, now, thank you, Charles.

And the use of question marks by CD lifts the tone of the passage and gives insight into the character of the speaker, Mr Skimpole, quite as much as the spoken-about, Mr Boythorn.

Clever eh! Yet simple.

The Scotsman & Orange Short Story Award 2006

This is one of the most prestigious writing competitions in Scotland - afraid it's only open to those born in Scotland, Scottish residents, or Scots living abroad.

GET YOUR IMAGINATION WORKING
THE SCOTSMAN & ORANGE SHORT STORY AWARD 2006
Work. Love it or hate it, it is central to most people's lives. It may imbalance, enrich, stultify or annoy, and occasionally it may even fulfil us, but it takes up so much of our time that too often our deepest loves and greatest interests are crammed into its margins.
Yet where is the writing that reflects this centrality? Where are the stories from around the office water cooler, the workmen's hut, social security office or the boardroom? Where are the stories of skills acquired or wasted, of workplace romances, of ambition, idealism and pettiness?
Too often, they just don't exist. Why not? There's not reason we can think of, which is why we've decided that "Work" will be the subject of next year's Scotsman & Orange Short Story competition, and the short stories we are looking for should fit in, however loosely, with that title.
We must emphasise the "loosely". Work can be in the foreground or in the background, and be by brain or brawn, avoided or enjoyed. It can be the task itself or its effects on others, a memory of work or a dream, a fear or an ambition.
So don't take it too literally. Think about what work has meant in your own life, and imagine what it has meant in other people's. Think originally, imaginatively and widely about what "work" could mean. And write a story no more than 3,000 words long that tells us. You've got until Friday 10 March. It's not long, but the rewards are great ...
Prizes
The overall winner will receive £7,500 and a superb trip to the Orange Prize for Fiction (including travel and accommodation at a London hotel) in June 2006. The Orange Prize for Fiction award ceremony is one of the most renowned international literary awards. It was created in 1996 to support excellence, innovation and accessibility in women's writing. It is awarded annually to the best novel of the year written by a woman and published in the UK. The prize is also backed by an annual educational initiative to promote reading.
Five runners-up will each receive £500 cash
Further payments will be made to the writers of the best stories which will be published in a collection, Work, by Polygon next summer. The winners and runners-up will be presented with prizes at an awards ceremony in Edinburgh in July 2006.

HOW TO ENTER
Please write a short story up to 3,000 words long based loosely on the word "Work". Stories must be typed on one side of paper only and double-spaced. Each page should be numbered and bear the title of the story.
Because the competition is being judged "blind", please ensure that the ONLY place your name appears is on the entry form here, which should be sent, along with your short story, to: The Scotsman & Orange Short Story Award, PO Box 105, Edinburgh, EH8. Three copies of each story must be submitted. The closing date for all entries is Friday 10 March.
Scotsman Orange Short Story Award 2006 Official Entry Form
Complete this coupon and send it with your entry to The Scotsman and Orange Short Story Award, PO Box 105-6, Edinburgh EH8 8YN
First name
Last name
Address
Postcode
Daytime telephone number
Mobile telephone number
E-mail address
Date of birth
Signature
Please include the title of your entry
Number of words ……………

TERMS AND CONDITIONS
Only one entry per person. Stories should be a maximum of 3,000 words. Entries will be accepted from those born in Scotland, Scottish residents and Scots living abroad. All entries must be posted with the official entry form printed in The Scotsman attached. The Scotsman cannot be responsible for entries that are undelivered or lost in the post. No copies will be returned and no correspondence entered into.
Stories submitted must not have been previously submitted to any other competition. Scotsman Publications reserves the right to publish articles or extracts written by competition entrants in The Scotsman, and entrants must be willing to have their story printed in the short collection published by Polygon.
The closing date is Friday 10 March and competition winners will be announced in The Scotsman in July, ahead of a prize-giving ceremony in Edinburgh. Expenses to this event are not included. In the event of a tie, the prize money will be shared. First prize includes a VIP trip to the Orange Prize for fiction. The prize is non-transferable. There is no cash alternative. Employees of Orange, Scotsman Publications Ltd, Ottakar's and the Scottish Arts Council are not eligible. The Editor's decision is final. Normal Scotsman Publications terms apply.

I see the moon and the moon sees me

It is twenty-two minutes after one in the morning and I’ve just walked back in the house from taking the spaniel for a quick walk, her idea, not mine.

The moon made me stay out there longer than I would have otherwise because it is sinking and pouting with perfectly placed, theatrical clouds and a glowing ring all around which I am sure has an old-wives tale of a meaning, if only I knew it.

And the first thing I think to do when I come back into the house is to go to a closet and take out a book called The Norton Anthology of English Literature, Fifth Edition, Volume 2. The cover is long since gone and for some reason, on the first tissue-thin page I have written, “Evolution, perfumed darkness, imagination.” Who knows why? Not me.

I turn to page 689 because I know that on page 689 I will find Hymn to Intellectual Beauty by Percy Bysshe Shelley. I love this. If you’re interested have a look see:

http://www.bartleby.com/236/71.html

Goodnight everybody!
Goodnight moon!

This Writing Life

This is Fay Weldon writing about writing:

'Writing is an odd activity – other people have occupations, jobs; the writer's life is work, and the work is the life, and there can be no holidays from it. If the pen is not working, the mind is thinking, and even as you sit and watch E.T. 'the extra terrestrial', the unthinking unconscious (collective a la Jung or personal a la Freud) ponders on. Even in sleep you are not safe: dreams pertain to life, and life to dreams, and both to work. There can be no time off, no real diversions, because wherever you go you take yourself; and no pure experience either, unsullied by contemplation, or by the writer's habit of standing back and observing what is going on – which writers will vehemently deny they do, because it sounds passionless, and calculated, but is not. They must observe with the Martian's eye, that of a stranger in a strange land, and marvel at this and be horrified at that, while yet knowing they are part of it, and as prone to human error as anyone. They must develop the link between the mind that thinks, and the hand that writes, until words are contemporary with thought, and even precede it: until the language, as they say, has a life of its own. Language you can allow to have this life but of the other contents of a book – characters, story, purpose – the writer must remain in control. Fear the work of a writer who says, it is my characters who lead me, they take off! They well may, but who will want to follow? It is the writer's mind the reader wants: a controlled fantasy, very, very, rarely, the meanderings of an idle author.'


This is an extract from Fay Weldon's 'Letters to Alice on First Reading Jane Austen'. It's full of her interesting, useful and provocative thoughts on writing. Even if you're not into Jane Austen, I recommend this book to all aspiring writers. And then go on and try her novels and short stories: she's one of the best contemporary UK writers and has had a prodigious output since her first (1968) novel 'The Fat Woman's Joke' (US title '...and the wife ran away' - PC even back then, the Americans.)

Literary Tourism Anybody?

Here's an item from The Scotsman newspaper today:

LITERATURE tourists will get their very own bus tour under plans drawn up by the Scottish Literary Tour Trust.

The tour, which will launch in Edinburgh this summer, is being operated in conjunction with Lothian buses.

Bookworms will be whisked off to literary landmarks such as Robert Louis Stevenson's house in Colinton or Thomas De Quincy's tomb in central Edinburgh. There will be a recorded commentary, on-board performances by professional actors and drama students from Queen Margaret College University and a literary brochure and map.

The project is the brainchild of Morris Paton, who created the original Edinburgh literary pub tours. If it is successful he will look to replicate it across Scotland.

"It is such an obvious idea that it begs the question why it hasn't been done before," said Paton. "I just think there hasn't been the will to do it.

"The idea is that people can get on and off the bus and explore the rich literary heritage of Edinburgh. We are still in negotiations with Lothian Regional Transport but it is envisaged that the tour will run twice per day, seven days per week."

Edinburgh boasts a unrivalled literary past. It is the birthplace of - and inspiration for - a pantheon of great poets and novelists, from Tobias Smollett through to Robert Burns and Sir Walter Scott, on to Robert Louis Stevenson, Arthur Conan Doyle and Kenneth Grahame and, more recently, JK Rowling, Ian Rankin and Alexander McCall Smith.

And, in 2004, it was named as the world's first Unesco City of Literature.

Gavin Wallace, head of literature at the Scottish Arts Council, said: "Raising the profile of Scottish writers in this way enhances the scope for increased, long-term appreciation and preservation of our Scottish literary heritage, particularly in an age where advanced technology is the harbinger of a great deal of young people's cultural experiences."

Charlie, not head of anything, never mind 'literature at the Scottish Arts Council', said: "I don't know why, but I find the idea of a literary bus tour slightly distasteful. It seems to have nothing to do with literature, other than disingenuously. It's just about money. Isn't it?"

What Floats Your Boat?

So, we’ve established one thing: Writers write.
You know what else writers do? They read.

Below you’ll find a long list of writers who have influenced me and for one reason or the other I continually return to as my mainstay, my little literary darlings, if you will. I’ll say up front – the list is in no way exhaustive and I am sure as soon as I post it – I’ll think of twelve more that should have been at the top of the list. I group them according to the way they flash in my head – a filing system that will probably make little or no sense to anyone else – so bear with me.

Not only am I interested in sharing works that have influenced me, I am terribly interested in finding out what you’re reading and what writers haunt your Favorites List. I’m always interested in a new read!! Share with me, please!!

First major influence which I read as a child
J.R.R. Tolkien

Then 18th Century English Literature
Alexander Pope, Jonathan Swift, Daniel Defoe, Samuel Johnson, etc
The Romantic Period in particular
Byron, The Shelleys – both Percy and Mary, Coleridge, Austen, Keats, etc

Then the list becomes a bit enigmatic in category, so here goes
William Faulkner, F. Scott Fitzgerald, James Joyce, Joseph Conrad

Eudora Welty, Flannery O’Connor, Carson McCullers, Alice Munro

John Cheever, Raymond Carver, Tim O’Brien

Cormac McCarthy, Ron Hansen, Andre Dubus, John Dufresne, John Updike

Lauren Slater, Mary Karr, Elizabeth Wurtzel, Dorothy Allison, Joyce Carol Oates, Alice Walker
Annie Dillard, Darcey Steinke, Amie Bender, Melanie Rae Thon, Donna Tartt

Dream On!

A new writer told me recently that she is a daydreamer by choice - she makes sure she puts aside at least half an hour per day for day dreaming. A great hobby say I, and so good for inspiration. Especially if it is constructive day dreaming.

I for one find that, when I'm searching for a way in to a piece of writing, taking 'time out' in some way is essential. So I can actually allow the thoughts to develop uninterrupted by the mundanities of life. I need to clear out the white noise and actually listen to what is in my head.

For me, the best way to do this is to go for a walk. Doesn't have to be anywhere special – stepping outside my front door and wandering the local streets for half an hour is usually enough. (Going to anywhere new or especially beautiful can be too stimulating – you may end up admiring the scenery rather than attending to your internal landscape.)

That might suit you – or you might have your own personal ways of freeing the imagination. A long, leisurely bath does the trick for some, while others have a particular place in the house, or the garden, where they can invite the muse in. You might even find that the muse descends best when you have a duster in your hand – housework is certainly one of those pastimes which requires no thought, so it does leave your mind free for more interesting matters.

Does music help you? Many people gain inspiration while listening to their favourite music. Orchestral, Kylie Minogue or AC/DC – whatever does it for you. Personally, I find music too distracting, although I don’t find traffic sounds and the like on my walks round the streets impinge on the creative process in the same way. So a bit of noise is okay, as long as it's something I can hear without listening to.

You might find that your inspiration comes from reading your favourite author. Poetry, prose, drama, whatever. The inspired words of others can be a trigger to your own unconscious. You may feel that this should be avoided, that you might then end up just sounding like that writer. But our own writing voices are so individual – if we give them their heads - that, rest assured, even if your writing starts off in Hemingway, or Vonnegut, or Weldon mode, you will soon imbue it with your own idiosyncratic timbre and view of the world. And if we give a nod in our writing to those who have influenced us, nothing wrong in that, say I.

Once you've taken yourself to that place of inspiration, then you need to let your mind freewheel around the thing you want to write. An internal brainstorming session. Let the thoughts come, follow up on associations, connections, or even apparent non-sequiturs that emerge. And gradually, with any luck, a doorway into your subject will appear. Step through it and begin to shape it, to impose structure, a flow, a beginning and end point. Then you can join up the dots in between.

I find that at this point, I prefer not to write anything down – that sometimes sets it in stone too soon. But you might find that you need to capture the thoughts on paper as you go. There's nothing worse than having a blinding idea – only to find that half an hour later you've forgotten the damn thing!

The freewheeling process is something that may not come naturally at first. You may find, especially if you are an undisciplined daydreamer, that your mind wanders off into unconnected thoughts which are no assistance to the creative task in hand. But as with everything else, practice makes perfect. Keep trying and you should improve.

So, off you go. Put your shoes on and step out of the door, or run that bath, or pick up that can of polish. Give yourself permission to day dream – there could be a bestseller in it!

What's Stopping You?

I almost bathed my dog instead of writing this post. When I talked myself out of that, I seriously considered repainting the den and sweeping the roof, the roof really needs sweeping. Instead, though, I made a decision to stop procrastinating and just do it! Thing is, even if writing is your passion, quite often it is much easier to talk about writing… even easier to write about writing… rather than sitting down to the task at hand.

I won’t for one minute argue the fact that we are a society flagrantly racing through our life and times at breakneck speed. We all have responsibilities which sometime preclude the possibility of taking time out of our busy schedule to actually write. Having said that, I also believe that if writing is truly your passion, something for which you can sense a palpable, physical hunger – then please take a moment and consider the fact that the “I’m too busy” excuse is just that – an excuse, and yet another means of procrastination.

Even if we can get past the “I’m too busy” excuse and actually clear the docket for writing time that doesn’t mean we’re out of the woods yet. We’ve all been there, all our little idiosyncratic rituals fulfilled, all our ducks in a proverbial row, no screaming children, no screaming spouses – nothing but peace, quiet and time to write. Oh spill forth ye creative genius, spill forth I say. And what happens? You end up staring at a blank sheet of paper or a blank computer screen until you notice how dirty your keyboard is, or until it occurs to you that you really should alphabetize your spice rack or change the oil in your car – and you’re off.

Naturally, to explain said “writer’s block” we say, “Who could possibly be expected to be creative under such conditions? I’m crazy busy all day, taking care of everybody’s needs but my own – I’ve got children to feed, bills to pay and a 10-hour a day job that sucks every ounce of creativity directly from the marrow of my already fragile, dog-tired bones! I simply can’t be expected to get into any manner of artistic mindset in this short amount of time.” What are you allowing yourself? Thirty minutes a day? An hour a day? Eventually you’ll find yourself longing for big blocks of time. That’s it. If only you could devote a whole day to writing or even better if only you could quit your job and write fulltime – think of what you could accomplish then!

Hey! Apply the brakes please! Attention all readers: I am in no way suggesting you turn in your two-week notice first thing Monday morning, speaking strictly from experience – having more time isn’t necessarily the answer. There IS a simple answer though, but most people don’t want to hear it. Just like some people who are trying to lose weight won’t accept the fact that essentially the answer to losing weight is to eat healthy foods in reasonable portions and exercise, no fancy fad diets necessary, no special equipment required – some beginning writers simply won’t accept the fact that all you need to do is write. If you want to be a writer, write. Write. Write. And then when you’ve written a lot, write some more.

It takes self-discipline. Sure, writing well is a skill, however I also believe writing is a habit and a habit is fostered and nourished by repetitive, recurring behavior. Write everyday. Everyday. Yes, everyday. Even if you can only manage thirty minutes a day doing stream of consciousness journal writing – do it! As a result of disciplining yourself and writing everyday you’ll not only build skill and self-confidence you’ll begin to demystify the process, you’ll begin to see that it is something that can be done, it is possible.

I also urge you to be kind to yourself. I can’t stress this enough. Being overly critical of yourself can not only turn your creative disposition into a grade-A punching bag, it can also be another very effective, insidious method of procrastination. Allowing your inner critic to navigate will never land you squarely in the lap of your writing Shangri-la.

I’m very interested to hear your comments regarding procrastination. I am sure it is something we all face in one form or another. And too, I’d love to hear of the strangest, most elaborate thing you’ve ever done in the name of putting off writing! Do tell, please….

D'oh!

I've just been asked to cut 16,000 words from my book ms, which is about to go into final proofs, because it is that much over the required length. What a bummer! And how many weeks' work is that I wasted writing them in the first place?

The moral of that story is, READ THE CONTRACT, STOOPID!

A Cautionary Tale

It does seem to be a truism that, among aspiring writers, what they all want to do most of all is to publish a novel. All those articles, short stories, journalism, non-fiction books etc. are just marking time until we get that page-turner on the shelves. I am no exception, and it's still an ambition I have yet to achieve.

Many moons ago I did complete a novel. I was still young and enthusiastic and didn't realise quite how much the publishing business is set up for its own sake, and how little for the writers – they're just the supplier of the raw materials which the publishers can get from anywhere – for goodness' sake, we writers are falling over ourselves to send them our lovingly honed manuscripts, stories that we've put years of our lives into – sometimes that we've put our whole lives into. Precious productions of heart and mind. We send them off full of trepidation – can we really share them with the world? What if people say bad things about them, don't like them? Will we ever recover our self-esteem? And once that first manuscript has gone, will we have enough left inside to write the next novel and the next – because we are informed enough to know that first novels are loss leaders – it's only once the second and the third come along that we can start to build a following, at which time, with any luck the first one will get a boost.

But finally we do it, follow all the advice to scour the holy bible, the Writers & Artists Yearbook (WAYB) for the Right Publisher, the one who is looking for a book just like the one we've written. Or, if we're even more disciplined, we will have found that publisher first, and then written the book that they want, rather than the book we want to write. And we send it off to our top three, six, twenty publishers: synopsis and three chapters and a covering letter which intrigues and flatters and tempts them to read on.

And what happens when it arrives in every one of those three, six or twenty offices? Envelope slit open automatically by machine wielded carelessly by the office junior – so carelessly you're lucky if your manuscript isn't also slit in two. And then – at least this is how I visualise it – it is tossed on the pile in the corner of the office, the pile from which the 20 year old trainee reader will extract a ms, pot luck-style (no first come first served here) once s/he has finished all the other more important stuff that trainee readers do in such offices. Like watering the plants, photocopying stuff, talking about last night's TV, dreaming of the day when s/he will discover a bestseller.

It could be in that pile in the corner, you know dear, why not just step over there and pull one out. Yes, that one there, it's caught your eye, typed in green ink (a big no-no as any creative writing tutor will tell you). Go on, dare you, read the synopsis, then be even braver, read page 1 of chapter 1…

Two minutes later, the photocopier calls. Half way down the first page. Picks up the red pen. 'Not a seller.' And it's tossed into another corner of the office where the pile of manuscripts teeters even higher. For the office junior to pack it up with a random pre-printed rejection slip (when she finds time away from the ms slitting machine): 'loved your story but sorry, not for us'; 'sorry we're not taking on any more authors at present'; 'you write quite nicely but it's not quite our cup of tea'; 'we wish you every success with finding a more suitable publisher'; 'our current publishing programme is complete and we cannot take any more on at present;' 'we can only accept manuscripts submitted by agents – you will find them listed in the Writers & Artists Yearbook'.

So you start the process again with the literary agents' list in the WAYB and exactly the same scenario is acted out in three, six, twenty agents' offices…

It's just surprising that dentists are consistently number 1 in the top ten suicide charts. Why not unpublished novelists? They are, however, a hardy breed (and just as well); accustomed to rejection but still they carry on battling, buoyed only by their own self-belief. Because we all know our novels are publishable – for goodness' sake, we've all read the crap that flies off the shelves in Waterstones, and we know we can do better. Who couldn't?

And then we get that little bit closer, as I did, all those years ago. I sent off the synopsis, three chapters etc. etc. – and, one of the twenty actually got back and said they were excited by what I had written and would like to see the rest of the ms. Unbelievable! This was it, the lucky break. Finally, after six weeks or so of holding my breath (very blue in the face by then, Ancient Briton style) it came back, with a letter saying 'We would love to work with you on this, there are just a few changes we'd like you to make first. If you don’t agree to make these changes, I'm afraid we won't be able to work with you any further.' So I succumbed to the blackmail, to the belief that they know best. Even though their suggestions involved rewriting the whole premise of the novel, taking out much of the humour and cutting half the characters, I gamely – and sensibly – set to. Although I saw with disbelief the passages they had marked for amendment – always the best bits, the bits over which I had worked the hardest – I reasoned to myself that if this was what I had to do to get the first one out there, then there was no point being precious about it. I’d be given a freer hand with the second and the third.

Finally, after many weeks' work, the amendments were done. The new version bore about as much resemblance to the original as a kipper to a live herring – and stank about as bad – but if that's what they wanted, that's what they'd have. Six weeks, two months, three months went by.

And finally – the entire thing came back. 'Sorry, we’ve decided this isn't quite what we're looking for. We wish you every success with finding a more suitable publisher. Can we suggest the Writers & Artists Yearbook?'

Lay those ghosts

Darren's enthusiastic - and flattering - words deserve to be posted:

'I have just signed up for the Writers Bureau course and am busy trying to convince myself that a working class guy with a small uneducated brain can actually become a published writer. This Blog is already looking inspirational and I hope it enjoys the tremendous success that it deserves.'

The great thing about writing, Darren, is that school education has very little relevance. In fact, that can often be the very thing that puts us off writing. I can't count the number of writing students who have said one impetus for them trying to get published is to prove a teacher wrong who said that they would never make a writer. Sometimes these people have been so hurt by such a comment - and convinced it was right, even worse - that it has taken decades for them to dare to put pen to paper again. For all of those who have finally dared to lay the ghost of a disparaging teacher, there must be many many more who still remain convinced they can't and shouldn't write. Some teachers, I can only conclude, just don't realise what a devastating effect a thoughtless, even throwaway comment, such as that can have on an impressionable school student.

In the interests of balance, I would say that at least as many students praise inspirational teachers who encouraged them to write. I am in this latter group myself - from primary school, through secondary school and onto college, I was taught by excellent English teachers, each of whom encouraged, inspired and enthused me.

My grateful thanks to them.

The sweet smell of success

As well as sharing these useful, but inevitably unexciting, sources of info and markets for freelancers, let's share the exciting stuff - do let us know about your publishing successes.

Have you got any work accepted for publication, in print, on the net, TV, radio, or in any other format? We'd love to know about your recent successes.

As well as giving you the well-deserved opportunity to brag, your experiences will be inspirational for the rest of us, and may open our eyes to new possibilities, to new markets and types of publication which we'd never thought of before - or even been aware of.

'Well fancy that, Amy's getting her one-liners printed onto the backs of armadillos. I wish I'd thought of that!'

More info

Thanks to Amy and Rob for these. If anybody else has other good reference sources, do pass them on.

Amy said...
Here is another interesting one for States info:The American Directory of Writer's Guidelines: A Compilation of Information for Freelancers from More than 1,500 Magazine Editors and Book Publishers

Rob said...
A great website to find publishers and agents can be found at:http://www.firstwriter.comThis caters for the US and UK markets as well as others and is well worth a look at.

There's a whole raft of writer's guidelines listed at www.freelancewriting.com/guidelines/pages


Keep them coming!

The Importance of Being Ernest

A pertinent quote from Ernest Hemingway:

'All good books are alike in that they are truer than if they had really happened and after you are finished reading one you will feel that all that happened to you and afterwards it all belongs to you: the good and the bad, the ecstacy, the remorse and sorrow, the people and the places and how the weather was. If you can get so that you can give that to people, then you are a writer.'

He also said:

'The most essential gift for a good writer is a built-in, shock-proof shit detector. This is the writer's radar and all great writers have had it.'

Writers' Bibles

If you want to write for publication, the following guides are invaluable. They contain lists of book, newspaper and magazine publishers and literary agents and their requirements as well as useful articles and advice:

Writers & Artists Yearbook – A& C Black

The Writer’s Handbook – Macmillan

Both contain UK and other English-speaking markets.

Writer’s Market – Writer’s Digest Books (specifically US and Canadian markets)

These are all published annually and are available from bookshops or online – go to http://freespace.virgin.net/nicola.taylor/writing.htm

Vonnegut Does It For Me

In God Bless You, Mr Rosewater, Kurt Vonnegut consistently demonstrates his genius for black humour and social comment. He does this with a startling economy of language and style by, quite simply, obliging the reader to view certain facts from an unusual angle and by using words and phrases slightly, but only slightly, out of their usual context - for example, in the passage below he uses 'meat' in place of 'body' during a brief discussion of reincarnation.

"Uncomfortable as it is here, however, there are few of us who do not care to be reborn. I am among that number. I have not been on earth since 1587 A.D., when, riding around in the meat of one Walpurga Housmannin, I was executed in the Austrian village of Dillingen. The alleged crime of my meat was witchcraft. When I heard the sentence, I certainly wanted out of that meat. I was about to leave it anyway, having worn it for more than eighty-five years. But I had to stay right with it when they tied it astride a sawhorse, put the sawhorse on a cart, took my poor old meat to the Town Hall. There they tore my right arm and left breast with red-hot pincers. Then we went to the lower gate, where they tore my right breast. Then they took me to the door of the hospital, where they tore my right arm. And then they took me to the village square. In view of the fact that I had been a licensed and pledged midwife for sixty-two years, and yet had acted so vilely, they cut off my right hand. And then they tied me to a stake, burned me alive, and dumped my ashes into the nearest stream.

As I say, I haven't been back since."

I am an undiluted fan of Vonnegut. He has the power to make me laugh and cry at the same time. That poor old woman, he made her so funny! His observations about humanity are deliciously accurate and wickedly critical. I'll leave it to others more learned in literary analysis than I to explain how he does this, if they so wish.

Charlie

That still, small voice...

Rob says:

The application is the tricky part - at least, I find it to be. I love writing, it sure as hell beats working in an office, but I continually find myself having a mental battle about it. Having had this crazy notion that writing is what I want to do, I decided that it was time to attempt that book that has been in my mind but never committed to my ropey old laptop. So I started it and I throughly enjoy it. However, as I sit there and type, thoroughly absorbed, into the early hours, a little voice pipes up and tells me it's pointless as no-one will ever be interested in publishing this nonsense.So, my question - short of a lobotomy, does anyone have any ideas as to how I can shut that annoying little, but not insignficant, voice up?

Nicki replies:
You'll never shut it up, Rob. It's an irritating and insistent little pest. My advice, is to try and drown it out. With cotton wool or loud music in your ears, maybe.

And never forget: it could be mistaken. Or lying.

And Charlie says:
Who put that voice in your head, Rob? A teacher? A parent? Some well-meaning friend who reads books now and again? It's such an easy thing to do, to be negative about somebody else's creative venture. Tell that voice to bugger off, I say! It's not your true voice, that's for sure.

Amy’s two cents:
As for silencing my inner critic, I’ve found that plugging ears with fingers and chanting, all mantra-like, “LaLaLaLaLaLaLaLa” really helps.

All kidding aside, a particularly nasty inner critic can definitely be a formidable obstacle to your growth as a writer. Your question resonates with me because I am particularly susceptible, predisposed (if you will), to distraction of this nature. I’ll hand out a bit of advice on the topic and promise sincerely to try and follow it myself.

If I could invent some type of Inner-Critic-Deadly-Laser-Gun, I would. And it would render said critic powerless, drained of venom – incapable of drawing blood. The best I can do is take away as much of the power as possible by slightly removing myself from the process. By this I mean, every now and again – there is this little place in my head where I can go and the only function “I” really serve is typist. I’m taking dictation. For all intents and purposes I am absent from the process in general – it is something akin to concentration, but not quite. It has to do with getting all your mental baggage out of the way and letting the words flow without clumsily fingering about in the process until all you have is a contrived, overworked, tough lump of biscuit dough.

I guess what I am saying is – try removing yourself from your inner critic’s line of fire – your writing will improve and you’ll not have to go through the long recovery time from a lobotomy. If you can do this through the first draft, by the time you’re ready to edit – you’ll be in a position of power and can tell your inner critic to take a hike!

A Question Or Two From Edy

Edy has raised three issues in her writing

Number 1. Ethics. Why on earth would you ever use the less than flattering mishaps of those around you for the amusement of others? Yes, when the best stuff you have revolves around those you know making complete asses of themselves... How do you work that into something that can be shared with more than your best friend and confidant, without being run out of town?

Or should I focus on that 500 word article on "How to Choose a Real Estate Agent in Lake Country" which would be published in a regional magazine, and pay $250?

Number 2. Creativity. I need to work at creativity -writing about what happens in my life is too easy.

Number 3. Laziness/Fear. Oh for cripes sake, quit making excuses and just do it.

Charlie
To answer the first question: I have no problem with ethics. I simply litter my writing with the corpses of people I know but disguise the characters so that even their mothers wouldn't recognise them. If you want to have the satisfaction of defaming people, and letting everybody know who they are, that's fine, but better be prepared to pay up as a consequence. So, Edy, either disguise them or don't do it.

As regards whether you should write boring stuff for money: yes, why not! In fact, why not write both creatively and vindictively, and for money as well? The two things aren't mutually exclusive. :o)

See Amy's comments about creativity, and as regards laziness... hahahahahahahaha, get on with it! Fear? Fear of what? Of failure? Of public ridicule? Of rejection? If you want to be a writer, you're going to have to get used to all of that.

Charlie


Amy
Would be great for Edy to read Flannery O'Connor / Eudora Welty then she'd have her answer about seamlessly working a sense of place and spot on specificity into a project. Ultimately, though, you've got to have conflict / resolution of some sort - a great challenge for me because I have a terrible tendency to fall in love with what words I'm putting down - the sound of them - all ego stroking, etc.... And you must get your characters out there and do something - can't just sit and describe the wisteria all day... I forget who said it but "Get a girl in trouble, then get her out again." (or not, whatever the case may be).

So, you can wax lyrical all day about a charismatic minister, for example - but if the story doesn't have that a backbone - you might as well be scribbling on the back of a cereal box with a sharpie. I've gushed about this before, heh, to anybody who would listen - but for me - folks like O'Connor / Welty / Munro et al.... (although the list in that calibre is short and sweet) - what they do in the way of magic.... is this..... they understand their characters to such a tender degree that a sense of place follows naturally - and they take these characters out into that world and focus on something... life. A glance, a phrase - their world... something that is so fundamental that the first response is to trivialize - it is nothing. But it is everything.
Amy

Edy also says in her highly entertaining email (much of which must remain confidential if she is not to be run out of her home town!):
I have carefully confined my writings to one-on-one exchanges. I think this is because the very best stuff (oops) that I write revolves around what I know, the people of my town.

Nicki
We all know and love (????) the people and petty doings of our own towns - and although the detail might change, the generality of people and their doings cover pretty much the same things wherever in the world our own town might be. Generally revolving either directly or indirectly around sex, money and gossip, in my experience. So disguise the town and the people (as Charlie says above) and send your local drama out into the world as an article or story which everybody will be able to relate to! Just don't try publishing it in your local newspaper. And a pen-name is probably a good idea, too...

Don't get uptight about tenses.

Middle Child comments: 'sometimes I switch from past to present tense and don't realise'.

This is something which new writers often find difficult. It shouldn't be. I bet you don't find yourself using incorrect tenses when you are speaking. It is something which we all do perfectly naturally – so naturally, that we don't even think about it - but we don't find ourselves confusing the person we're talking to by switching mid-sentence between past and present tense.

Very often, the process of writing appears more complicated than it is, because we think too hard about it. Let your pen or fingers work on auto-pilot, as your mouth does when you're speaking, and you may find the problem disappears.

And then, after you've written your story, read it out loud – or even better, get somebody else to read it back to you. Bet the switches in tense leap out at you then!

Don't forget: writing is just written down speech. And the best writing sounds as though the writer is speaking directly to you. If you can speak, you can write.

There's glory for you!

I was struck by this comment from Amy:'The first writing workshop I ever had in college began like this: Enter haggard man with flyaway blonde hair. He sits on the edge of the desk and looks out at the young faces, pie-eyed girls and determined boys – a hero this haggard man, a writer! He throws his hands into the air, tanned face cinched in disgust, “I don’t know why I bother. I don’t know why I am here. You can’t teach people to write. You either can or you can’t. And I’ll bet my house and two gold pieces from a shipwreck off the shore of Southeast Asia – that most of you CAN’T.” '

Ignoring the obvious question: 'Why the heck was he running a writing workshop, then?' – I will move contemptuously on, to say this touches on a subject dear to many writers' hearts. On the odd occasion when I have dared to mention in mixed company that I am a writing tutor, I have discovered how dear.

I have been told by some aspiring writers (mainly, I would add, the ones who have never had any work published) that I am misleading people; even, they imply, gaining money under false pretences, by 'claiming' to be able to teach people to write. Even worse, some academics and publishers have a tendency to sneer at the idea of writing courses.

The implication is that it is somehow a spiritual thing, something inherent that can neither by taught nor improved on by any outside agency. 'You've either got, or you haven't got, soul' – or in this case, words. Following on from this, the idea that a writer has improved their work through the agency of a writing course, or a writers' circle, or by reading books and articles on 'how to write' somehow devalues it. (This, I guess, is where Amy's workshop leader was coming from. Unless he was just a very bad teacher – those who can’t teach often blame their students for an inability to learn, I find…)

Anyway, I beg to differ. It shows me that these writers are serious about their writing. I agree with Amy that 'writing is a craft! And a craft can be discussed and skills can be honed'.

But – and there is always a but – there is something beyond this. And perhaps this is the 'art' bit rather than the 'craft' bit. Although writing skills can be improved dramatically through advice and demonstration and practice and reading good writers with one's critical eyes open – this last, in my opinion, more important than anything – there are some people who will never become good writers. Not because they can't string sentences together adequately, nor because their spelling or grammar or use of tenses is dodgy, not even because they are dyslexic (many dyslexics are very good with words once they learn how to get them under control: like Humpty Dumpty, we can all learn to be master of our words.) All these technical aspects can be easily taught.

No, it's something more basic than that, which it is difficult to put a finger on. Perhaps the best way to put it is that I can teach you how to write, but I can't teach you what to write. The ability to plot a good story; to recognise a new and interesting angle on an old subject; to see the extraordinary in the mundane… these are the indefinable elements of writing that grab the reader. These are down to your own unique way of looking at the world. To work out the best way of expressing those things – that's where study and practice and the advice of those more experienced can come in.

As Middle Child says, writing 'is a craft...which can be learnt, but not all who learn the craft will be good writers...but fun trying anyway.'

Nicki

A Tip

Well, I reckon one of the best tips for a new wroter is always to chick whot you have written after youve' written it, especially the smelling, like what I alwasy do.

Oh, and never forget to wrote about 'stuff'.

Charlie

What's it all about, Alfie?

So, what's this blog intended to be: musings on life as a full-time freelance writer? an instruction manual for aspiring authors? an online writer's circle? a forum for writers?

All this and more.

We hope it will act as a source of reference and inspiration for anybody who wants to get their words down on paper or screen in the best way they can. 'What oft was thought, but ne'er so well expressed' to borrow from Alexander Pope.

It will include words of advice, warning, instruction and erudition from yours truly (Nicki) and from the other members of the team: Amy, who will give her own views on the sometimes scary, but always stimulating, process of moving on from being an excellent and successful part-time writer to giving up the day job and becoming a full-time professional; and Charlie, who will write about 'stuff' - and I know nobody who can write about stuff better than him.

It will also feature heavily the great writers of the present and the past, far better qualified than any of us to talk with authority about how to produce the sort of writing that makes your toes curl, your face light up, the tears cascade; writing that sticks in the head of the reader long after the book is laid down and that will live long after the writer him/herself is gone.

It's for anybody who is trying to become a better writer (and that should include all of us!) - whether you just want to improve the quality of your writing or whether you wish to get your work published and paid for.

We hope you will be inspired to comment, to report your writing successes, to pass on your own tips, to suggest things you'd like to see included in later posts.

And most of all, we hope it will be entertaining. Because that is the first duty of any writer - to entertain.

Let us entertain you. And please - entertain us in return!

Inspiration, Perspiration, Application

'Writing is one per cent inspiration, ninety-nine per cent perspiration. '

So (nearly) said Edison - (he was talking about genius, but not many of us can claim to be one of those.)

And as somebody else said: 'Writing takes application - application of the seat of the pants to the seat of the chair.'

I hope you'll visit here regularly to help with the inspiration. The application and perspiration you'll have to provide yourself.

Nicki